Lost at Sea 🌊

Some of you reading this may have been impacted by the mass layoffs, sickness, or unexpected life events that have left you with a shattered sense of self; when in reality what was shattered...

Dichotomy: a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.

First thing first, Happy International Women’s Day! Let’s take a moment to celebrate the beauty, grace, and strength of all women around the world.

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So I’ve been on this bus to Budapest for the last 3 hours, wrote a whole newsletter, and realized that’s not actually what’s on my spirit to share. I want to talk about freedom and some of its ignored realities.

Everyone has their own definition of freedom, so to ensure we are all on the same page for the sake of today’s reading, freedom to me means the ability to have authority over my time.  

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The past two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. My brother came to visit and we had a time! I took him all around London for a few days, we flew to Malta to Segway through the old capital city of Valetta and saw some of the bluest water I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and ended the trip in Manchester to see the Manchester United vs Barcelona match… and I can say with much certainty, the NFL ain’t got ish on European Football. 

After dropping him off at the airport, I had 10 days to kill before moving into my new place, so I decided to come to Prague and Budapest. Prague gave me a chance to actually be with my thoughts and I want to share a few lessons I’m taking away from this journey so far:

1. Looking for old comforts in a new chapter of your life will only cause you to go backward 

2. Being alone and being with oneself are two different things 

3. The story you tell yourself is the most important 

Overall, London has exceeded expectations in every way imaginable. I’ve been welcomed by earthside angels, partaken in some dope experiences, and have casually found myself in 4 countries within 18 days. For this, I’m grateful. 

But if I am to lift the curtain up a bit, by constantly being in different places, immersed in new cultures, and surrounded by strangers turned friends, I’ve found myself a bit detached, unstable, and in search of grounding. I did not expect this. Quite frankly, I actually didn’t know what to expect. As I mentioned previously to you all, I embarked on this nomad journey in faith. 

However, faith has an opp named fear and what’s interesting is how this dichotomy exists within freedom. 

I share this graphic because it’s apart of the analogy I created to articulate better how I’ve been experiencing this. 

My life is the ocean and freedom exists in a wave. The difference between faith and fear is my ability to either ride the wave (faith) or succumb to it (fear). 

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I had found freedom, like a wave, to hold much heaviness. 

Although I owned my time, I was looking for familiar markings that showed I was still progressing towards something. So I continued to travel, take online courses, and do random things that really didn’t lead to impact in my newest chapter of life, but it made me feel productive in a way that would be appealing to my last chapter. 

Fear had overtaken this beautiful and faith-driven nomadic experience because I was telling myself a story of instability, while not actually giving myself time to unpack my thoughts (even if I was alone), and backpedaling into things I knew were no longer for me because they came with familiarity.  

At my core, what I was in search of was some sense of external stability. 

External stability can be a home, a friend group, a job, a favorite coffee shop, a spouse, or really anything that exists outside of you that brings you comfort and consistency. 

Ironically, because I had external stability, I felt full internally. It wasn’t until recently that I began feeling the implications of my decision to live this nomadic life, essentially attached to nothing. When you slowly start removing the beams, the boat begins to rock and you find out that you don’t have as much inner stability as you thought you did. 

You also don’t have to go on my journey to feel this. Some of you reading may have been impacted by the mass layoffs, sickness, or unexpected life events that have left you with a shattered sense of self; when in reality what was shattered was the external thing you depended on to bring you peace of mind.

As I’ve just had this ‘aha’ moment last week, I don’t have many action steps to give as I feel it’d be premature on my part. I’ve been giving myself space to reflect on what true inner peace is in this phase of my life and what other external factors I’ve been leaning on unknowingly. I’ll circle back later with an update. 

Hopefully, this may help others have an ‘aha’ moment as well. 

With love always,

Jamie ✈️ 🌎

Questions I’m thinking through:

• In times of discomfort, where/what is the first thing I tend to do?

• What does this new chapter require of me?

• What is something that goes with me wherever I go?

Links I’m loving:

• Power of Now - Book

• Inner Strength - Article